Student response to "How Do I Choose Good Friends"

From the recent Friendship survey we posted, we had a special response from Victoria, one of Kristi's students.

Thanks, Victoria! Others are welcome to send in their responses, too, for possible posting here!

Here's what Victoria wrote:

"Well, first off, if you're asking this question constantly when you're around people, that kinda gives you a clue that you may not have the best uplifting friends. Sometimes people make friends only because there's no one else they know around them. I can remember several times (when I was younger) where I was caught up in different situations and different places, that I was absolutely desperate to at least have one friend everywhere I went. Which isn't the best way to make friends, or the right mindset to have.

"A habit that many people have is that they're attracted to different personalities. Recently my Bible class has been studying personalities and learning how to relate to others personalities and determine our own. One of my strong personality characteristics is a sanguine, which means I'm a go-to type of girl. I'm attracted to cholerics which are outgoing like me, but I'm also attracted to people I can relate to, a sanguine. One of the benefits I have to having a lot of friends is that I can learn how to communicate with them. Some, I have to let them know that I care for them more often than I usually do, them being a bit more closed in. And others I argue with a lot (best friends) because we are VERY close in personalities.

"One of my best friends is a choleric and sanguine exactly like me, so our tempers tend to collide more often. And still others I have to keep at a distance because I don't want them to run over me. Honestly, the best way to get to know friends is first to identify your personality. If you're outgoing and always bubbly, you're most likely a sanguine. If you're outgoing but yet headstrong and a born leader, you're probably a choleric. The other two personalities are introverts: phlegmatic and melancholy. These two tend to be more closed off, go-with-the-flow types.

"When you first choose your friends, you immediately want to get to know their likes and dislikes and determine whether or not you find anything you like in them. Especially if they're the opposite sex, you need to see if they're all right. As in: without drugs, no alcohol, no cussing, no smoking, and so on. What I do, whether or not I'm looking for the other genders' friendship OR a relationship, I always go to a good friend to check with them and what they do in different situations. When they go out, they try to get close to them and see their different reactions when they're near his/her friends. If you get to know their close friends, then you will know who his/her peers are and what different influences are around him/her, and if they're walking with Christ.

"God puts in us the desire to have companions to go through life with: someone to laugh with, someone to share hopes and dreams with, someone to have a shoulder to lean on and talk about struggles. He also wants us to have fun in life! He wants you to walk through life with a hop in your step and a clear conscious of who He wants you to be! He loves it when you please Him by making good choices, especially when you're in a bit of trouble. God knows who He wants to walk beside you in your life and how long they will walk with you. So don't worry, He will guide you to the right people."

Friendships, Part 1

Now that the school year is in full swing, we wanted to take some time to focus on friendships, which are so important in the life of any girl or woman, whether young or older."

Karen and Kristi each had their classes take the following survey on friendship. We will be sharing and discussing some of their answers soon.

We would love for you to take it with us! Either on your own, or if you want, you can send in your answers either by posting them in the comments below, on the C-7 Girls Facebook page, or by email at jody.capehart@jodycapehart.com. God bless you in all your current and future friendships!

• What is a friend?
• What makes someone a good friend?
• What makes someone a bad friend?
• How do you choose your friends?
• Who is (are) your best friend(s) and why?
• Is friendship important? Why or why not?
• How do friendships start?
• Why do friendships sometimes end?
• How does it feel when someone doesn't have friends?
• Where do you like to go with your friends?
• What do you like to do with them?
• Tell about one or two special memories you have with friends.
• What do your parents tell you about friends?
• What does your Sunday school teacher say about friends?
• What things hurt a good friendship?
• What things prevent people from becoming friends?
• If you could design the perfect friend, what would they be like?
• Have you ever had a friend who was very different from you? What was that like?
• In what ways do you wish you were a better friend?

Father Daughter Relationships, Part 4

I've loved seeing what Karen and Kristi have shared here about fathers and father-figures.

It makes me so happy and yet a little sad, too, thinking about my own daddy and what he's meant to me in my life. He was everything to me. So it would take me more than just one post to express what he's meant in my life.

My daddy gave me unconditional love, and he was always appropriately affectionate and loving. I loved him completely and I know he loved me completely, too. I never doubted that for one second my entire life.

I miss my daddy. He passed away many years ago, and I continue to miss his smile and his one-of-a-kind sense of humor. He could tell jokes for hours on end and never repeat himself and never do anything less than crack up at each joke. He made some difficult times growing up so much easier with nothing but a smile and a laugh.

My daddy was wise. I felt like I could go to him about anything, and I always listened when he spoke because he didn't waste words. When I would get a wild hair about something, he would say one sentence and I would be straightened out because he would always say the exact right thing I needed to hear. He always gave me clear messages that showed he knew me better than anyone.

My daddy made me feel happy to be a girl and then a woman. At all points in my life, I knew I could rely on him and he would be there for his daughter.

I know it sounds like I'm painting a picture of him that is too glowing, too perfect. But that's how I feel about him. I think he is the one who made me who I am today. For that I will always be grateful and will never stop missing him.

I apologize if this has become too personal or too mushy-sounding or if it reminds you too much of someone you miss. Part of loving someone is missing them when they are gone but also feeling grateful for the time you had with them.

My daddy is someone I could never thank enough, and I hope you have a daddy like mine - or marry a man like my daddy was - and that you remember to thank him every single day.

Blessings,

Jody

Father Daughter Relationships, Part 3

One day I went out with a guy I had been crushing on for several months. He picked me up in his cute little car and we went off to dinner and a movie.

When we arrived at the restaurant, my crush turned to me and said, "Hop out, we're here." I just looked at him and said, "I'm used to a guy opening the door for me." He looked at me and smiled and got out of the car. He went to the back of the car and waited there for what seemed an eternity. He finally came to my door and opened it for me. After that day, every time we went somewhere he would open my door and say, "Since it's you, I will open your door."

I ask myself now, what gave me the confidence to expect my date to treat me with that kind of respect and care. It was my father. He always opened the door for the women of our family. Even when I was a little girl, he would get out of the car and open my door. He showed me how I should expect to be treated from every guy that was in my life because he showed me I was important and special enough to take the time to open the door for me.

A daughter's relationship with her father is what prepares her for every future encounter with someone of the opposite sex. The way she is treated by her father directly affects how she responds and relates with the rest of the male species in her life.

But what if she is one of the thousands of girls who do not have a father or does not have a positive father figure? Are you doomed to go through life without knowing how to act with guys and what to expect from a relationship? Are you doomed to a bad marriage and to repeat the cycle that your father started?

God says "NO". He says in Psalms 68: 5 that He is the father to the fatherless. What better father to embrace you and show you what a real relationship with a father should look like than your Heavenly Father? In order to have a relationship with God, we must learn about his fatherly qualities.

1. God is your Protector. (Psalms 121) A good man protects his family. You should look for and expect your male relationships to protect you not harm you. You are valuable; you deserve to be treated with care.

2. God is your Provider. (Matthew 6: 25 - 33) A good father provides what his family needs. The man you marry should have a job, a good work ethic, and the desire to provide for you and your future children.

3. God is Love. (John 16:27) A good man loves his family and knows how to show it. Ask yourself if your male relationships are being loving toward you. Remember, love is patient, love is kind, and it is not jealous and possessive. Read I Corinthians 13.

You deserve the best from your relationships. Don’t settle for anything less. Don’t allow what your earthly father has done to warp your view of your Heavenly Father. If you are blessed to have other good male role models in your life, allow them to speak into your life. There is something very important about hearing a man’s point of view and having that influence in your life. Don’t allow the negative view of your own father to close you off from other father figures that can speak into your life and give you the male influence you need.

My own daughter has had to struggle with this issue. Father’s Day has not been the happiest day for my children because of their own father’s abandonment. My daughter wrote the following essay for school and has allowed me to share it with you.

Nine years ago, in the middle of January, my father left our family with no intentions of returning. This left an agonizing pain in the lives of my heart-broken mother, my older brother, and myself. Though this day was a struggle, it changed the relationship between the members of my family drastically. Especially the relationship between my brother and I.

My brother is very different from me, both physically and emotionally. He is very tall and big, while I am very short and thin. His emotions run high, he is outgoing, and likes to be the center of attention, while I am much more closed off and reserved. Though we are the exact opposite of one another, we still managed to develop a strong relationship.

Growing up was difficult for me, because I was very shy as a young girl. I was much smaller than those around me, making me feel vulnerable and intimidated. My brother was always there to help me overcome my shyness and to help me get involved with the other children.

My brother was the only real male influence I had in my life on a daily basis. Though we are just two years apart, he was much more of a father figure to me than my own dad. I would be very lost without my brother in my life. I would still have a hard time communicating, I would not know how to swim, or even how to ride a bike. We taught each other a lot during our childhood. If our dad hadn’t made the choice he made, I’m certain that we would not have the relationship we do now.

Though we are very different, we make a good team and we balance each other out better than most siblings I know. We have our differences just like everyone else, but we have both been through enough in our lives to never stay mad at one another for long. I know that my big brother is always going to be there for me no matter what, and I can honestly say that I wouldn’t be who I am today if it wasn’t for him.

If you need a father today, press into God and allow Him to love you. Open your eyes to the father figures around you and allow them to speak into your life.

If you have a good father who is doing his best for your family, don’t take him for granted. When he comes home tonight, give him a big hug and thank him for being a good man and for protecting, providing for, and loving his family.

No matter what our father/daughter relationship is here on earth, we all have a Heavenly Father that loves us and will never leave us. Let's take some time to thank Him today.

And continue walking in your beauty,

Kristi

Father Daughter Relationships, Part 2

It is often said that girls see all men through the lens of the relationship they have with their father. I think it is true that there is something unique about the role that only a father can fulfill. In his book, Bringing Up Girls, James Dobson reminds us that self worth for girls depends heavily on their relationship with their dads. This relationship is so important in teaching our daughters how to relate to men.

For our daughters, I pray daily that they will marry someone just like their daddy. I want him to be the one they compare all boys and men to in their future.

It’s funny, though, because when I have to leave the house and the girls stay with dad, you’d think their world was ending and that it was the worst thing to make them do. Or when daddy insists that they come with him (usually so I can have some alone time), you’d think it was the most miserable thing for them.

But you know what? They ALWAYS return happy.

My girls love the attention they get from their daddy. Some of my favorites are how my husband whistles at them after they’ve gotten dressed or I’ve just done their hair, the way he whisks them away to the park, or how he is always making up silly songs and telling outrageous tales.

Yet as much fun as he is, they always respond to his correction. They respect him and know they must obey him.

But they also know he loves them. I like to watch the girls and my husband interact… they truly have a special bond.

When they were little, I would purposefully tell them, “Go show Daddy!” or “Go tell Daddy!” My intention was to get them in the habit of sharing their excitement with Daddy.

Now I don’t need to remind them anymore. They just love going to him, sharing with him, and spending time together.

My girls are blessed to have such a loving, godly father who shows them and tells them not only how much he loves them but how much God loves them, too.

Karen

Father Daughter Relationships, Part 1

As we saw the past few weeks, there is a special relationship that girls share with their mothers. The bond formed between mother and daughter lasts a lifetime and often serves as the guide for how to grow into a godly woman.

As important as that relationship is, though, there is another foundational relationship that plays a major role in the shaping of a girl's life and continues on through womanhood.

That relationship is the one held between a father and his daughter, and it is essential to the development of any girl's future.

Does that mean that if a girl has an absent or abusive father that she will turn out "damaged" for life? No, of course not! Because our real father is our Father in heaven, who loves us and cares for us no matter what.

Yet God, in His infinite wisdom, gave to parents the ultimate responsibility for raising His children. Believe me, as a parent, this is a task we do not take lightly. Young people rarely have a true understanding for the incredible weight parents carry every single day in the care of their children.

For some, though, this responsibility proves to be too much. In the case of fathers, too often they leave the parenting up to the mother. This is a tragedy, because the truth is that when a girl feels the unconditional love of her father, she has a grounding that cannot be replaced by any other human relationship -- including that of a husband.

That is why so many girls go running to a boyfriend to "save them" from their father -- or lack of a father-figure. But no human relationship can mimic what a father provides. God ultimately wants us to turn to Him to meet that need, but He first gives us a human father to show us what that relationship looks like.

Consider yourself fortunate, then, if your earthly father is the kind of father that you know in your heart loves you. He may have funny ways of showing it, but whatever his method, you will know in your heart how much he cares for you and watches out for and protects you.

It has been said before -- and I have to agree -- that the way a child sees their earthly father will become reflected in the way they view their heavenly father. This is especially true for girls.

If the scars run deep, they might prove difficult to heal and will take time and love from God. But if the love of the father goes deep, that daughter will likely have an easier time seeing and accepting the love God has for them.

Again, there is no "right formula" to follow here. One girl may have an excellent father and not appreciate it and never seek the deeper love of her Father in heaven, while another girl may grow up without a father -- or worse, with an abusive one -- and yet still seek and find the unconditional love offered her by God.

Similarly, there is no "right formula" for how to be a father. Yours may act different than you, think differently that you do, and express his feelings in different ways from you. Your father may not look like you, share your interests, or even be related by blood.

But if he loves you with all his heart, soul, and mind -- as is often the case -- nothing else will matter, and you will find yourself blessed to be loved like that and will be well on your way to understanding and accepting how much more your Father in heaven loves you.

Blessings,

Jody

Relationships, Part 4

Unlike Karen and Kristi, my daughter, Angela, is all grown up. She is 26 now -- wow! -- and the mother of two boys, Keagan and Hudson, and is an expectant mother of a baby girl, due to be born this October! I couldn't be more proud of my grown up girl!

But I can still remember when she was just a young thing, and all she wanted to do was play with her dolls. She loved pretending to be the mother and playing house. She would even go on special father-daughter "dates" with my husband, and in her innocent seven-year-old way, she would get all dressed up, sit up as high as she could in her chair, and believed that people who saw her would think she was my husband's wife and not his daughter!

Angela was always one -- or two! -- steps ahead of whatever age she was at the time. When she was a toddler, she wanted to be in school. When she was in school, she wanted to be a teenager. When she was a teenager, she wanted to drive. And once she started driving, she wanted full independence.

Now she has it, and is so fulfilled in her life as a mother and wife. But she also has the responsibility of being depended on, day and night. Angela has learned that being a mother is something profoundly more life-giving and life-needing than playing with dolls ever was --just as being married takes infinitely more commitment than dating does.

I have to say, though, she does it all quite marvelously. It's funny how all those years of playing dolls and house prepared her for being a mother. Play really is the work of the child.

Throughout it all, we have remained close. Have we always gotten along? I wish I could say yes, but the truth is Angela is an independent person who does not like to be pushed or manipulated into decisions she feels are not her own. That means I have had to learn to let go sometimes, give it to God, and simply be there for her when she needs me.

And you know what? It's the being there for her that has given me the most joy. Does it always come at convenient times? Of course not. Being there for someone always manages to happen when we are swamped by life. But as my sweet daughter has found out for herself, a parent is always there for their child. I couldn't imagine it any other way, either.

A parent always wants to take credit for what their child becomes, but if we are honest, we know we are only a part of it. God entrusted my husband and I with a beautiful girl 26 years ago, and the best thing I ever did for her was love her and be there for her. God took care of the rest.

We started this series on relationships because we believe that the mother-daughter relationship is so central for all women. It begins when they are young like Karen's daughters and continues all the way to adulthood, past even where Angela is now. She hasn't stopped needing my advice, support, and love.

Next we will turn to the relationship a girl has with her father, a relationship as important as any other. But before we go there, remember today to tell your mother -- or daughter -- that you love and appreciate them for who they are and what a blessing from God they are in your life.

Blessings to you all,

Jody