Queen Bees and Wannabees - Rules of Girl World, Part 2

No matter what kind of group you are in there are group dynamics and each person takes on a role. Read these descriptions and see where you fit. Where did you fit in high school? Middle school? Now?

(These notes were taken from a seminar by Kelly Smith, M.S.)

Queen Bees - This is your Eddie Haskel type. They look good, sound good and are pleasing to the eye. They are good at manipulating social settings for their advantage. Bossy, leader of the pack, set the rules but DO NOT enforce the rules. They are constantly looking behind their back because they can be taken off their thrown at any time.

Sidekick - This person is the enforcer. They are very close to the queen bee and looks a lot like the queen bee.

Banker - This is the most powerful person of the group. They are the silent quiet type. They hold all the secrets in the group. Everyone goes to the banker when they are upset because remember you can't directly confront in girl world. The banker is rarely the target because they hold all the secrets. Do you know someone who won't ever be fired or laid off from a job because they "know too much?"

Floater - This person has the most confidence and self esteem. They float between groups and fit in with anybody. When someone says, "You have to do ... or I won't be your friend" the floater doesn't care. As ideal as this may seem (and don't we all want our daughters/children to be this person?) a floater has more than likely been through the other roles but eventually decides they've had enough and they are going to do their own thing.

Torn Bystander - This person doesn't agree with what is going on and they want to say something but they can't for fear of becoming the target. They are the conscience of the group. They need the group.

Pleaser/Wannabee/Messenger - This person usually has no opinion of their own. They are the grunt and do all the messy work. This is the person that appears to be squeezing their way into a group. They are the ones that get talked about when they are not around.

Target - This person gets the rumors and isolation. This person probably broke a rule and doesn't even know it. The group will turn on the target.

An interesting thing about the target...when the group shuts them out and isolates them, you would hope for the best and that this target would become the floater. Unlikely...when the group decides she can hang with them again, this person is so glad and will take whatever role she can get. Remember, a girl's number one fear is isolation.

Quote from a teenage girl: "When you're power hungry you'll do anything - even manipulate your best friend."

I was sharing this with my husband, who teaches high school seniors, and he could think of his students that fell into these roles. He even picked out the role he played in school.

You may be asking, "So what do we do about it?" A big part is to just be aware...when we notice this sort of behavior going on bust it up. When you identify the girls and their roles there is nothing for them left to hide. Kelly Smith shared a lot of stories when she worked with groups of girls...all the way down to 3rd grade. It seems that when they were called out for the part they were playing the girls seemed to fix the group themselves.