Father Daughter Relationships, Part 3

One day I went out with a guy I had been crushing on for several months. He picked me up in his cute little car and we went off to dinner and a movie.

When we arrived at the restaurant, my crush turned to me and said, "Hop out, we're here." I just looked at him and said, "I'm used to a guy opening the door for me." He looked at me and smiled and got out of the car. He went to the back of the car and waited there for what seemed an eternity. He finally came to my door and opened it for me. After that day, every time we went somewhere he would open my door and say, "Since it's you, I will open your door."

I ask myself now, what gave me the confidence to expect my date to treat me with that kind of respect and care. It was my father. He always opened the door for the women of our family. Even when I was a little girl, he would get out of the car and open my door. He showed me how I should expect to be treated from every guy that was in my life because he showed me I was important and special enough to take the time to open the door for me.

A daughter's relationship with her father is what prepares her for every future encounter with someone of the opposite sex. The way she is treated by her father directly affects how she responds and relates with the rest of the male species in her life.

But what if she is one of the thousands of girls who do not have a father or does not have a positive father figure? Are you doomed to go through life without knowing how to act with guys and what to expect from a relationship? Are you doomed to a bad marriage and to repeat the cycle that your father started?

God says "NO". He says in Psalms 68: 5 that He is the father to the fatherless. What better father to embrace you and show you what a real relationship with a father should look like than your Heavenly Father? In order to have a relationship with God, we must learn about his fatherly qualities.

1. God is your Protector. (Psalms 121) A good man protects his family. You should look for and expect your male relationships to protect you not harm you. You are valuable; you deserve to be treated with care.

2. God is your Provider. (Matthew 6: 25 - 33) A good father provides what his family needs. The man you marry should have a job, a good work ethic, and the desire to provide for you and your future children.

3. God is Love. (John 16:27) A good man loves his family and knows how to show it. Ask yourself if your male relationships are being loving toward you. Remember, love is patient, love is kind, and it is not jealous and possessive. Read I Corinthians 13.

You deserve the best from your relationships. Don’t settle for anything less. Don’t allow what your earthly father has done to warp your view of your Heavenly Father. If you are blessed to have other good male role models in your life, allow them to speak into your life. There is something very important about hearing a man’s point of view and having that influence in your life. Don’t allow the negative view of your own father to close you off from other father figures that can speak into your life and give you the male influence you need.

My own daughter has had to struggle with this issue. Father’s Day has not been the happiest day for my children because of their own father’s abandonment. My daughter wrote the following essay for school and has allowed me to share it with you.

Nine years ago, in the middle of January, my father left our family with no intentions of returning. This left an agonizing pain in the lives of my heart-broken mother, my older brother, and myself. Though this day was a struggle, it changed the relationship between the members of my family drastically. Especially the relationship between my brother and I.

My brother is very different from me, both physically and emotionally. He is very tall and big, while I am very short and thin. His emotions run high, he is outgoing, and likes to be the center of attention, while I am much more closed off and reserved. Though we are the exact opposite of one another, we still managed to develop a strong relationship.

Growing up was difficult for me, because I was very shy as a young girl. I was much smaller than those around me, making me feel vulnerable and intimidated. My brother was always there to help me overcome my shyness and to help me get involved with the other children.

My brother was the only real male influence I had in my life on a daily basis. Though we are just two years apart, he was much more of a father figure to me than my own dad. I would be very lost without my brother in my life. I would still have a hard time communicating, I would not know how to swim, or even how to ride a bike. We taught each other a lot during our childhood. If our dad hadn’t made the choice he made, I’m certain that we would not have the relationship we do now.

Though we are very different, we make a good team and we balance each other out better than most siblings I know. We have our differences just like everyone else, but we have both been through enough in our lives to never stay mad at one another for long. I know that my big brother is always going to be there for me no matter what, and I can honestly say that I wouldn’t be who I am today if it wasn’t for him.

If you need a father today, press into God and allow Him to love you. Open your eyes to the father figures around you and allow them to speak into your life.

If you have a good father who is doing his best for your family, don’t take him for granted. When he comes home tonight, give him a big hug and thank him for being a good man and for protecting, providing for, and loving his family.

No matter what our father/daughter relationship is here on earth, we all have a Heavenly Father that loves us and will never leave us. Let's take some time to thank Him today.

And continue walking in your beauty,

Kristi

Father Daughter Relationships, Part 2

It is often said that girls see all men through the lens of the relationship they have with their father. I think it is true that there is something unique about the role that only a father can fulfill. In his book, Bringing Up Girls, James Dobson reminds us that self worth for girls depends heavily on their relationship with their dads. This relationship is so important in teaching our daughters how to relate to men.

For our daughters, I pray daily that they will marry someone just like their daddy. I want him to be the one they compare all boys and men to in their future.

It’s funny, though, because when I have to leave the house and the girls stay with dad, you’d think their world was ending and that it was the worst thing to make them do. Or when daddy insists that they come with him (usually so I can have some alone time), you’d think it was the most miserable thing for them.

But you know what? They ALWAYS return happy.

My girls love the attention they get from their daddy. Some of my favorites are how my husband whistles at them after they’ve gotten dressed or I’ve just done their hair, the way he whisks them away to the park, or how he is always making up silly songs and telling outrageous tales.

Yet as much fun as he is, they always respond to his correction. They respect him and know they must obey him.

But they also know he loves them. I like to watch the girls and my husband interact… they truly have a special bond.

When they were little, I would purposefully tell them, “Go show Daddy!” or “Go tell Daddy!” My intention was to get them in the habit of sharing their excitement with Daddy.

Now I don’t need to remind them anymore. They just love going to him, sharing with him, and spending time together.

My girls are blessed to have such a loving, godly father who shows them and tells them not only how much he loves them but how much God loves them, too.

Karen

Father Daughter Relationships, Part 1

As we saw the past few weeks, there is a special relationship that girls share with their mothers. The bond formed between mother and daughter lasts a lifetime and often serves as the guide for how to grow into a godly woman.

As important as that relationship is, though, there is another foundational relationship that plays a major role in the shaping of a girl's life and continues on through womanhood.

That relationship is the one held between a father and his daughter, and it is essential to the development of any girl's future.

Does that mean that if a girl has an absent or abusive father that she will turn out "damaged" for life? No, of course not! Because our real father is our Father in heaven, who loves us and cares for us no matter what.

Yet God, in His infinite wisdom, gave to parents the ultimate responsibility for raising His children. Believe me, as a parent, this is a task we do not take lightly. Young people rarely have a true understanding for the incredible weight parents carry every single day in the care of their children.

For some, though, this responsibility proves to be too much. In the case of fathers, too often they leave the parenting up to the mother. This is a tragedy, because the truth is that when a girl feels the unconditional love of her father, she has a grounding that cannot be replaced by any other human relationship -- including that of a husband.

That is why so many girls go running to a boyfriend to "save them" from their father -- or lack of a father-figure. But no human relationship can mimic what a father provides. God ultimately wants us to turn to Him to meet that need, but He first gives us a human father to show us what that relationship looks like.

Consider yourself fortunate, then, if your earthly father is the kind of father that you know in your heart loves you. He may have funny ways of showing it, but whatever his method, you will know in your heart how much he cares for you and watches out for and protects you.

It has been said before -- and I have to agree -- that the way a child sees their earthly father will become reflected in the way they view their heavenly father. This is especially true for girls.

If the scars run deep, they might prove difficult to heal and will take time and love from God. But if the love of the father goes deep, that daughter will likely have an easier time seeing and accepting the love God has for them.

Again, there is no "right formula" to follow here. One girl may have an excellent father and not appreciate it and never seek the deeper love of her Father in heaven, while another girl may grow up without a father -- or worse, with an abusive one -- and yet still seek and find the unconditional love offered her by God.

Similarly, there is no "right formula" for how to be a father. Yours may act different than you, think differently that you do, and express his feelings in different ways from you. Your father may not look like you, share your interests, or even be related by blood.

But if he loves you with all his heart, soul, and mind -- as is often the case -- nothing else will matter, and you will find yourself blessed to be loved like that and will be well on your way to understanding and accepting how much more your Father in heaven loves you.

Blessings,

Jody