The following quotation does not come from one of the adult authors of this blog. It is not Jody Capehart the author, Karen the mother-blogger, or Kristi the teacher. It comes from Dominque, one of the students in Kristi’s girls’ Bible class using Jody’s Charm Course for Girls. And it is a testimony to the impact had on the lives of girls from people who care about their character.
“Life is a race and sometimes you feel like you can't finish. You need friends to pick you up and carry you to the finish line. In our Bible class I am learning how to be a woman of God and how many girls hurt and need someone just to listen. So many of us get so caught up in what we want that we forget about others. So many girls don't understand their worth and that the world needs them just the way they are. If we could just stop focusing on ourselves but on other people, we can change lives. God created all of us for a purpose.”
-Dominique, (Student Body President)
Monday, October 25, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
No More Drama
Our class decided that a slumber party would be a fun way to bond and get to know each other better. There is something that you all need to know about me. I love my girls, I love to have fun, I love parties…I hate slumber parties. The idea made my body cringe. I tend to hallucinate after 2 a.m. and by 4 a.m. I am of no use to anyone. So we decided to have an afternoon slumber party – thank you girls!
We set the party from three in the afternoon to nine in the evening. Everyone wore their pajamas and brought their favorite snacks. We decorated everything in girl colors and declared it a "Drama Free Zone."
We started the party by sitting in a circle together. I gave each girl a colorful beaded necklace with a printed card attached to it with the word" Drama." We talked about what drama is and what drama does and how we don't need it in our lives. We then ceremoniously ripped the card off the necklace and threw it in the trash can. I then pointed out that without the drama we were left with beauty (our necklace). This set the tone and the boundaries for the rest of the event.
We played several games----with no drama.
We did hair and make-up----with no drama.
We ate-----with no drama.
At one point, toward the end of the night, one of the games got a little competitive. Drama began to come out in attitudes and out of mouths. At that moment, three of the girls in charge of the games approached me and had realized the game was going in the wrong direction. They went back, changed the game, and got everyone back on track. They got it! They understood the peace that comes from being in a drama free zone.
So what did we accomplish with this slumber party? I witnessed girls becoming leaders. I watched girls reach out to other girls and get them involved. Girls formed bonds that can only be formed by spending time outside of the classroom and with a freedom to get to know people outside your own circle. And we established a boundary in our school....no drama.
I encourage all of us: Let’s take the unnecessary drama out of our lives. No more gossip. No more making situations bigger than they are. No more leaving people out. No more pettiness. No more getting involved in things that don't concern us. No more stirring things up to get an emotional response. No More Drama!
-------------------------------------
Kristi Morales is a Bible teacher at Master's Academy who is using Jody's Christian Charm Course for Girls in her all girls Bible class this year. She expressed her appreciation for the book and agreed to contribute her thoughts on the lives of her girls and her Bible class throughout the school year.
We set the party from three in the afternoon to nine in the evening. Everyone wore their pajamas and brought their favorite snacks. We decorated everything in girl colors and declared it a "Drama Free Zone."
We started the party by sitting in a circle together. I gave each girl a colorful beaded necklace with a printed card attached to it with the word" Drama." We talked about what drama is and what drama does and how we don't need it in our lives. We then ceremoniously ripped the card off the necklace and threw it in the trash can. I then pointed out that without the drama we were left with beauty (our necklace). This set the tone and the boundaries for the rest of the event.
We played several games----with no drama.
We did hair and make-up----with no drama.
We ate-----with no drama.
At one point, toward the end of the night, one of the games got a little competitive. Drama began to come out in attitudes and out of mouths. At that moment, three of the girls in charge of the games approached me and had realized the game was going in the wrong direction. They went back, changed the game, and got everyone back on track. They got it! They understood the peace that comes from being in a drama free zone.
So what did we accomplish with this slumber party? I witnessed girls becoming leaders. I watched girls reach out to other girls and get them involved. Girls formed bonds that can only be formed by spending time outside of the classroom and with a freedom to get to know people outside your own circle. And we established a boundary in our school....no drama.
I encourage all of us: Let’s take the unnecessary drama out of our lives. No more gossip. No more making situations bigger than they are. No more leaving people out. No more pettiness. No more getting involved in things that don't concern us. No more stirring things up to get an emotional response. No More Drama!
-------------------------------------
Kristi Morales is a Bible teacher at Master's Academy who is using Jody's Christian Charm Course for Girls in her all girls Bible class this year. She expressed her appreciation for the book and agreed to contribute her thoughts on the lives of her girls and her Bible class throughout the school year.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Raising a C-7 Girl
We all know the clich̩ generalization that boys tend to be more physical, while girls are usually more emotional. But that seems to be exactly the case with our oldest daughter who, at six years old, has been known to shed tears over the simplest of things, like not being able to find a certain pair of shoes in the house. Of course the truth is that it takes a lot of energy, dedication, and wisdom to raise a child Рregardless of their gender. But somehow right now it feels like this is an issue that I cannot figure out.
My husband and I often talk about how to help her with understanding, controlling, and expressing her emotions. I keep telling myself it’s an issue of maturity and she’ll grow out of it. So far there is no sign of maturing in this area.
Sometimes tears are due to lack of sleep. But it’s the tears that appear to be for no reason that baffle us. We have always tried to give her the words to use to express herself and her frustrations, and we really try hard not to respond and give any undue attention to behavior that strays from what we expect her to display. Still nothing seems to work. I find myself asking other moms of daughters if they have experienced this.
I recently came across an article titled, “Raising Girls to be Strong Women.” It had a lot of valid points. For example, teaching our daughters the importance of earning their own money and choosing how to spend it. If she has chosen to blow it all on something silly and then doesn’t have enough money to go to the movies with her friends, do not bail her out. That consequence might provide a lesson that she won’t forget. Also, be prepared to talk in unexpected places. Seize the opportunity to talk and listen when it happens, don’t wait and think it will happen again later.
When the world tells us that our girls need to be “strong women,” I think we can replace that phrase with the word COURAGEOUS. Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go.” Joshua 1:7
The author suggests ten ways we can raise our girls to be strong women. I have listed some of these ways and tied them into our C-7 principles.
My husband and I often talk about how to help her with understanding, controlling, and expressing her emotions. I keep telling myself it’s an issue of maturity and she’ll grow out of it. So far there is no sign of maturing in this area.
Sometimes tears are due to lack of sleep. But it’s the tears that appear to be for no reason that baffle us. We have always tried to give her the words to use to express herself and her frustrations, and we really try hard not to respond and give any undue attention to behavior that strays from what we expect her to display. Still nothing seems to work. I find myself asking other moms of daughters if they have experienced this.
I recently came across an article titled, “Raising Girls to be Strong Women.” It had a lot of valid points. For example, teaching our daughters the importance of earning their own money and choosing how to spend it. If she has chosen to blow it all on something silly and then doesn’t have enough money to go to the movies with her friends, do not bail her out. That consequence might provide a lesson that she won’t forget. Also, be prepared to talk in unexpected places. Seize the opportunity to talk and listen when it happens, don’t wait and think it will happen again later.
When the world tells us that our girls need to be “strong women,” I think we can replace that phrase with the word COURAGEOUS. Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go.” Joshua 1:7
The author suggests ten ways we can raise our girls to be strong women. I have listed some of these ways and tied them into our C-7 principles.
- Support her changing interests. Girls tend to change their mind about likes and dislikes very often. Encourage her to be courageous as she tries something new.
- Let her explore differing roles. This is the perfect opportunity to provide some culture. One day she may be interested in cooking, the next she might be interested in fixing something. She’ll find what interests her and won’t be left with missed opportunities that she wished she experienced.
- Give her something to believe in. A foundation in Christ will prove to be more lasting than anything else. She is after all, a changed creation.
- Teaching her responsibility also teaches her to be committed.
- Help her transcend her own nature by discussing acceptable behavior while acknowledging the validity of her emotions. We as parents should avoid emotional manipulation. If we teach our daughters how to understand and express their emotions properly, we will be encouraging a charming attitude. A charming young lady displays compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, and love.
- Giving her boundaries will provide opportunity to display Christ-like character.
- Lead by example. If our daughters see us showing respect, politeness, and how to resolve conflicts appropriately, they will grow up with a certain class that others will see and want.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Walk In Your Beauty
Kristi Morales is a Bible teacher at Master's Academy who is using Jody's Christian Charm Course for Girls in her all girls Bible class this year. She expressed her appreciation for the book and agreed to contribute her thoughts on the lives of her girls and her Bible class throughout the school year.
I began the girl’s charm class with the discussion of the meaning of beauty. We talked about how a woman’s beauty is a reflection of God’s beauty. God’s beauty comforts, inspires, brings peace, and lets us know that all is well. When a woman walks in the beauty God has given her, she fills a place in our world that only a woman can fill. When you have spent time with a woman who walks in her beauty, you will be at peace and feel positive about yourself. You will leave her presence feeling better than when you first came to her.
Unfortunately, we have an enemy that does not want a woman to walk in her beauty because she reflects the beauty of God. That is why a woman is attacked in her self-esteem. If she does not feel good about herself, she will try to hide herself, get angry and lash out, or become so self-absorbed that she does not see the needs of others. For whatever reason, she stops walking in beauty.
As I spoke to the girls about this topic, one of the girls began to cry. She expressed to us through her tears that some of her friends had started to leave her out and talk about her behind her back. She was experiencing firsthand what happens when girls decide not to walk in their beauty: others get hurt.
During another class together, a different girl began to cry. She opened up about how the class had been a comfort to her because she had been feeling very down on herself due to negative words that had been spoken to her from people close to her. Others have expressed similar experiences, and many suffer in silence.
What I saw were broken young ladies who had forgotten that they are beautiful. What I witnessed was a classroom of young women who chose to walk in their beauty as they gathered around those hurting girls to pray and express to them the value they really hold. That is walking in beauty.
So, women of God...How do people feel when they leave your presence? Do they leave bruised and cut from your responses and insecurities? Do they not receive what they need because you are too afraid to be seen or too absorbed in your own self? Or do they feel comfort, peace, and inspiration to walk in their own beauty? Do they feel better for having been in your presence?
I encourage you...Walk In Your Beauty Today.
Kristi Morales
I began the girl’s charm class with the discussion of the meaning of beauty. We talked about how a woman’s beauty is a reflection of God’s beauty. God’s beauty comforts, inspires, brings peace, and lets us know that all is well. When a woman walks in the beauty God has given her, she fills a place in our world that only a woman can fill. When you have spent time with a woman who walks in her beauty, you will be at peace and feel positive about yourself. You will leave her presence feeling better than when you first came to her.
Unfortunately, we have an enemy that does not want a woman to walk in her beauty because she reflects the beauty of God. That is why a woman is attacked in her self-esteem. If she does not feel good about herself, she will try to hide herself, get angry and lash out, or become so self-absorbed that she does not see the needs of others. For whatever reason, she stops walking in beauty.
As I spoke to the girls about this topic, one of the girls began to cry. She expressed to us through her tears that some of her friends had started to leave her out and talk about her behind her back. She was experiencing firsthand what happens when girls decide not to walk in their beauty: others get hurt.
During another class together, a different girl began to cry. She opened up about how the class had been a comfort to her because she had been feeling very down on herself due to negative words that had been spoken to her from people close to her. Others have expressed similar experiences, and many suffer in silence.
What I saw were broken young ladies who had forgotten that they are beautiful. What I witnessed was a classroom of young women who chose to walk in their beauty as they gathered around those hurting girls to pray and express to them the value they really hold. That is walking in beauty.
So, women of God...How do people feel when they leave your presence? Do they leave bruised and cut from your responses and insecurities? Do they not receive what they need because you are too afraid to be seen or too absorbed in your own self? Or do they feel comfort, peace, and inspiration to walk in their own beauty? Do they feel better for having been in your presence?
I encourage you...Walk In Your Beauty Today.
Kristi Morales
Friday, October 1, 2010
Queen Bees and Wannabees - Rules of Girl World, Part 2
No matter what kind of group you are in there are group dynamics and each person takes on a role. Read these descriptions and see where you fit. Where did you fit in high school? Middle school? Now?
(These notes were taken from a seminar by Kelly Smith, M.S.)
Queen Bees - This is your Eddie Haskel type. They look good, sound good and are pleasing to the eye. They are good at manipulating social settings for their advantage. Bossy, leader of the pack, set the rules but DO NOT enforce the rules. They are constantly looking behind their back because they can be taken off their thrown at any time.
Sidekick - This person is the enforcer. They are very close to the queen bee and looks a lot like the queen bee.
Banker - This is the most powerful person of the group. They are the silent quiet type. They hold all the secrets in the group. Everyone goes to the banker when they are upset because remember you can't directly confront in girl world. The banker is rarely the target because they hold all the secrets. Do you know someone who won't ever be fired or laid off from a job because they "know too much?"
Floater - This person has the most confidence and self esteem. They float between groups and fit in with anybody. When someone says, "You have to do ... or I won't be your friend" the floater doesn't care. As ideal as this may seem (and don't we all want our daughters/children to be this person?) a floater has more than likely been through the other roles but eventually decides they've had enough and they are going to do their own thing.
Torn Bystander - This person doesn't agree with what is going on and they want to say something but they can't for fear of becoming the target. They are the conscience of the group. They need the group.
Pleaser/Wannabee/Messenger - This person usually has no opinion of their own. They are the grunt and do all the messy work. This is the person that appears to be squeezing their way into a group. They are the ones that get talked about when they are not around.
Target - This person gets the rumors and isolation. This person probably broke a rule and doesn't even know it. The group will turn on the target.
An interesting thing about the target...when the group shuts them out and isolates them, you would hope for the best and that this target would become the floater. Unlikely...when the group decides she can hang with them again, this person is so glad and will take whatever role she can get. Remember, a girl's number one fear is isolation.
Quote from a teenage girl: "When you're power hungry you'll do anything - even manipulate your best friend."
I was sharing this with my husband, who teaches high school seniors, and he could think of his students that fell into these roles. He even picked out the role he played in school.
You may be asking, "So what do we do about it?" A big part is to just be aware...when we notice this sort of behavior going on bust it up. When you identify the girls and their roles there is nothing for them left to hide. Kelly Smith shared a lot of stories when she worked with groups of girls...all the way down to 3rd grade. It seems that when they were called out for the part they were playing the girls seemed to fix the group themselves.
(These notes were taken from a seminar by Kelly Smith, M.S.)
Queen Bees - This is your Eddie Haskel type. They look good, sound good and are pleasing to the eye. They are good at manipulating social settings for their advantage. Bossy, leader of the pack, set the rules but DO NOT enforce the rules. They are constantly looking behind their back because they can be taken off their thrown at any time.
Sidekick - This person is the enforcer. They are very close to the queen bee and looks a lot like the queen bee.
Banker - This is the most powerful person of the group. They are the silent quiet type. They hold all the secrets in the group. Everyone goes to the banker when they are upset because remember you can't directly confront in girl world. The banker is rarely the target because they hold all the secrets. Do you know someone who won't ever be fired or laid off from a job because they "know too much?"
Floater - This person has the most confidence and self esteem. They float between groups and fit in with anybody. When someone says, "You have to do ... or I won't be your friend" the floater doesn't care. As ideal as this may seem (and don't we all want our daughters/children to be this person?) a floater has more than likely been through the other roles but eventually decides they've had enough and they are going to do their own thing.
Torn Bystander - This person doesn't agree with what is going on and they want to say something but they can't for fear of becoming the target. They are the conscience of the group. They need the group.
Pleaser/Wannabee/Messenger - This person usually has no opinion of their own. They are the grunt and do all the messy work. This is the person that appears to be squeezing their way into a group. They are the ones that get talked about when they are not around.
Target - This person gets the rumors and isolation. This person probably broke a rule and doesn't even know it. The group will turn on the target.
An interesting thing about the target...when the group shuts them out and isolates them, you would hope for the best and that this target would become the floater. Unlikely...when the group decides she can hang with them again, this person is so glad and will take whatever role she can get. Remember, a girl's number one fear is isolation.
Quote from a teenage girl: "When you're power hungry you'll do anything - even manipulate your best friend."
I was sharing this with my husband, who teaches high school seniors, and he could think of his students that fell into these roles. He even picked out the role he played in school.
You may be asking, "So what do we do about it?" A big part is to just be aware...when we notice this sort of behavior going on bust it up. When you identify the girls and their roles there is nothing for them left to hide. Kelly Smith shared a lot of stories when she worked with groups of girls...all the way down to 3rd grade. It seems that when they were called out for the part they were playing the girls seemed to fix the group themselves.
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