Blessings

This post originally appeared on Jody's blog at jodycapehart.com.

It’s true what they say: blessings often come when we least expect it.

Today I received a blessing – one I will never forget – from Kristi Morales’ girls’ Bible class at the Master’s Academy in Duncanville.

The girls had invited me to their class because they are using the Christian Charm Course for Girls that I wrote with my daughter, Angela. Ms. Morales and the girls have been sharing their thoughts and experiences on the C-7 blog connected to the Charm Course.

I arrived at the school expecting to spend some time with the girls getting to know them and talking about ‘girl stuff.’ Oh, was I surprised and blessed!

When I entered, the girls had set up a beautiful breakfast, with decorated tables, a Christmas tree, and my favorite – Christmas music! They presented me with a beautiful hand-made card, a diamond (not a real one but one symbolic of the beauty of a woman that overcomes trials), a poem, candles, and photo ornament. How could they know about my favorite things when we had never met? I was deeply touched and completely overwhelmed.

Even more beautiful were the girls themselves. They were allowed to drop the school uniform for the day in exchange for their outfits of choice. Each and every girl looked exquisite. And they radiated joy and happiness. I don’t think I stopped smiling the whole time I was there.

I credit Ms. Morales, Principal Lynn Watson, and the other teachers at Master’s Academy for the love and wisdom they have cultivated in the lives of these girls. The culture of the school could be felt the minute my feet touched the threshold. The love of the Lord permeates every corner of this school!

The girls showed me around and are so proud of their school. They are completely vested in it. They read me the mission of the school, showed me the mascot, and the messages of each bulletin board that reflect the character of Christ. They’ve even won prizes for their floats in the parade! It truly warmed my heart to see students who truly love their school!

If you haven’t read the C-7 blog yet, may I encourage you to do so – because many fantastic contributions have come from Ms. Morales and her girls. This exceptional group of young ladies has gone far beyond the scope of the Christian Charm Course in truly examining what it means to be a C-7 girl: Christ-like, changed hearts, committed, confident, charming, classy, and caring.

Ms. Morales even coined a phrase I wish I had thought of for the book: Walk in Your Beauty.

Believe me, these girls do exactly that.

As always, I took pictures! They are on my Facebook page here. But the pictures do not tell the whole story. They do not capture the depth and inner beauty of this group of 6th through 12th grade girls learning and maturing in a way that truly surprised me in such a meaningful way.

From reading what they had been writing on the blog, I knew I would be blessed by going to visit them; I just had no idea to what extent.

Thank you, girls! You are so beautiful in every way!

Red Flags and Deal Breakers...Some Personal Thoughts

These past few weeks we have been talking about dating.

It made me think about all those couples that took things too far and ignored the “red flag” in their relationship. They thought that they could change the other person, but in reality they can’t. They go ahead and get married and have a baby and then realize that they don’t love each other, and someone walks out of the marriage. The precious baby will always wonder why they can’t have a normal family like everyone else.

I know that feeling because I come from a broken family. I always wonder what my life would have been like if I got to see my dad regularly instead of once every four years. I fear the day my dad dies because I’ll be at his funeral and I’ll have nothing to say because I don’t know him.

So what I am trying to say is to take it slow and enjoy dating. There is no rush to have a baby. There will be time when you have found Mr. Right, your home is stable, and you are ready. Give your baby the best life you can give. Beware of the “red flags” and get out if you see them.

-Dominique, a student in Ms. Morales's class.

Red Flags and Deal Breakers

In our classes on dating and relationships we talked about red flags and deal breakers.

I remember a trip I took with my parents when I was a teenager. We got a flat as we were going around a curve in the mountains. I had to get out and take a red towel (flag), go back around the curve, and flag the cars that were about to go around the curve to where our car was.

What was the red flag saying? Slow down. Caution. There could be trouble ahead. Pay attention.

Sometimes in our relationships we see red flags. There are behaviors or decisions being made that should be looked at and thought about more closely.

Maybe someone is disrespecting you or mistreating you. Maybe you are seeing anger or violence you haven’t seen before. There are many things people do that could be a red flag. Slow down, watch their behavior. Is this a onetime thing because of a bad day or is this a pattern of behavior?

Red flags are there to protect us if we will respond to them.

Once you see a red flag you must decide if it is a deal breaker. A deal breaker is something that causes you to know that you cannot continue in the relationship with this person.

When you see a red flag you, must ask yourself if this behavior or situation is something that you can live with or should live with.  If a guy has blonde hair and you usually prefer black but he has good character and treats you right, it probably will not be a deal breaker. If you love pizza and he hates it, it will probably be something you can deal with and will not be a deal breaker.

If he is not a firm Christian and you are sold out to God, it should be a deal breaker. If he is disrespectful to you or your family, that should be a deal breaker. If he does not treat you the way you deserve to be treated or is ever violent toward you, that should be a deal breaker.

Look at the red flags and deal breakers in your relationships.

As always, Walk In Your Beauty.

Kristi Morales

God Given Boundaries

This past week I spoke to my class about boundaries. Boundaries are the lines around us that keep us within a limited area. 

God has given us boundaries. These boundaries are there for our protection, but many times we view them as rules that are put there to steal our fun. We think that by staying within the boundaries that God has set for us, we will miss out on something on the other side.

I remember when my son was learning to walk; I put a safety gate at the top of the stairs so that he would not fall down the stairs and hurt himself. He couldn’t understand that he was being protected by the gate. He only saw it as an obstacle in his way - something that was keeping him from having fun and doing what he wanted. He would stand at the gate and shake it and yell and cry because he couldn’t go past that point. 

We are sometimes like that. We get mad because God has said to stay within a certain area with certain guidelines. We don’t see the consequences of crossing those boundaries. We think we know better, and we begin to push the boundaries. This is why there are so many teenagers dealing with unwanted pregnancies, avoidable health issues, emotional and physical scars, and trouble with the law and in their relationships with family and peers. They are dealing with problems that could be avoided by staying within the guidelines that God has set for us.

I challenge you to stop shaking the safety gate that God has placed around you. Stop climbing over it or sneaking under it. Accept the boundaries that have been placed around you by God as His love and care for you. 

I didn’t put that safety gate up for my son because I wanted to make my son miserable. I put it up because I wanted to keep him safe and wanted him to grow up with as few bumps and bruises as possible. God has done the same for you because he loves you!

Remember, Walk In Your Beauty.

Kristi Morales

Boundaries

I am in Ms. Morales’ Bible class. Right now in class Ms. Morales is talking about boundaries that you look for in guys and friends. I have boundaries with friends and with boyfriends. An example of a friend boundary is if they want you to go tepee someone’s house and you don’t want to, then that is a friend boundary. A boyfriend boundary is like if they want to kiss you when you told him you are not ready to, and they push, push, and push you until you have had enough. What Ms. Morales has been telling the class to do is to actually write down your boundaries and standards for your relationships. Now don’t go shoving it in your boyfriend's or friend's face. Whenever they are about to cross a certain boundary just say to them "I don’t do that on the first date," or whatever you want to say. What I personally think about boundaries is they will make you think about who you want to date, or maybe even marry. It has already helped me with who I want to date. Sometimes even keeping a dairy can release a lot of stress and emotions. Especially us women! Remember, walk in your beauty!

The above quote from a student in Ms. Morales’ class got me thinking about boundaries.  I often don’t think of it because I have young daughters, but in essence we are teaching them to understand boundaries with their friends.  Right now our focus seems to be on actions and words.

My six year old is doing the difficult work of trying to understand that sometimes friends disappoint us and tell us things they probably don’t mean.  When this happens, we encourage her to have an “oh well” attitude (especially in the little things) and seek out a better friend. 

She is learning to be kind, even when it’s hard.  Friends have said things to her like, “I’m not your friend anymore” and “You’re not invited to my party.”  Often, we dismiss talk like that by saying, “Oh they’re just kids.” 

But we shouldn’t allow that kind of talk at all…it’s just so unkind. 

Sometimes I feel like I nag and correct every little thing, but there are just some things that I can’t dismiss.  We desire for our girls to grow up to be loving, compassionate, and kind women, showing God’s love to everyone…even those who are hard to love.  After all, if we are striving to be like Him, shouldn’t we love the same people He loves?

Ms. Morales encourages her students to write down their boundaries and standards for relationships.  I think this really helps solidify what is important to us in a relationship, whether it be friends or boyfriends. 

As our girls get older and their friends become more influential, I hope we’ve given them a good start.  Those boundary talks will no doubt become more important. 

Created for a Purpose

The following quotation does not come from one of the adult authors of this blog.  It is not Jody Capehart the author, Karen the mother-blogger, or Kristi the teacher.  It comes from Dominque, one of the students in Kristi’s girls’ Bible class using Jody’s Charm Course for Girls.  And it is a testimony to the impact had on the lives of girls from people who care about their character.

“Life is a race and sometimes you feel like you can't finish.  You need friends to pick you up and carry you to the finish line.  In our Bible class I am learning how to be a woman of God and how many girls hurt and need someone just to listen.  So many of us get so caught up in what we want that we forget about others.  So many girls don't understand their worth and that the world needs them just the way they are.  If we could just stop focusing on ourselves but on other people, we can change lives.  God created all of us for a purpose.”

-Dominique, (Student Body President)

No More Drama

Our class decided that a slumber party would be a fun way to bond and get to know each other better. There is something that you all need to know about me. I love my girls, I love to have fun, I love parties…I hate slumber parties. The idea made my body cringe. I tend to hallucinate after 2 a.m. and by 4 a.m. I am of no use to anyone. So we decided to have an afternoon slumber party – thank you girls!

We set the party from three in the afternoon to nine in the evening. Everyone wore their pajamas and brought their favorite snacks. We decorated everything in girl colors and declared it a "Drama Free Zone."

We started the party by sitting in a circle together. I gave each girl a colorful beaded necklace with a printed card attached to it with the word" Drama." We talked about what drama is and what drama does and how we don't need it in our lives. We then ceremoniously ripped the card off the necklace and threw it in the trash can. I then pointed out that without the drama we were left with beauty (our necklace). This set the tone and the boundaries for the rest of the event.

We played several games----with no drama.
We did hair and make-up----with no drama.
We ate-----with no drama.
       
At one point, toward the end of the night, one of the games got a little competitive. Drama began to come out in attitudes and out of mouths. At that moment, three of the girls in charge of the games approached me and had realized the game was going in the wrong direction. They went back, changed the game, and got everyone back on track. They got it! They understood the peace that comes from being in a drama free zone.

So what did we accomplish with this slumber party?  I witnessed girls becoming leaders.  I watched girls reach out to other girls and get them involved. Girls formed bonds that can only be formed by spending time outside of the classroom and with a freedom to get to know people outside your own circle. And we established a boundary in our school....no drama.
    
I encourage all of us: Let’s take the unnecessary drama out of our lives. No more gossip. No more making situations bigger than they are. No more leaving people out. No more pettiness. No more getting involved in things that don't concern us. No more stirring things up to get an emotional response. No More Drama!
------------------------------------- 

Kristi Morales is a Bible teacher at Master's Academy who is using Jody's Christian Charm Course for Girls in her all girls Bible class this year. She expressed her appreciation for the book and agreed to contribute her thoughts on the lives of her girls and her Bible class throughout the school year.

Raising a C-7 Girl

We all know the cliché generalization that boys tend to be more physical, while girls are usually more emotional.  But that seems to be exactly the case with our oldest daughter who, at six years old, has been known to shed tears over the simplest of things, like not being able to find a certain pair of shoes in the house.  Of course the truth is that it takes a lot of energy, dedication, and wisdom to raise a child – regardless of their gender.  But somehow right now it feels like this is an issue that I cannot figure out.
 
My husband and I often talk about how to help her with understanding, controlling, and expressing her emotions.  I keep telling myself it’s an issue of maturity and she’ll grow out of it.  So far there is no sign of maturing in this area. 

Sometimes tears are due to lack of sleep.  But it’s the tears that appear to be for no reason that baffle us.  We have always tried to give her the words to use to express herself and her frustrations, and we really try hard not to respond and give any undue attention to behavior that strays from what we expect her to display.  Still nothing seems to work.  I find myself asking other moms of daughters if they have experienced this. 

I recently came across an article titled, “Raising Girls to be Strong Women.”  It had a lot of valid points.  For example, teaching our daughters the importance of earning their own money and choosing how to spend it.  If she has chosen to blow it all on something silly and then doesn’t have enough money to go to the movies with her friends, do not bail her out.  That consequence might provide a lesson that she won’t forget.  Also, be prepared to talk in unexpected places.  Seize the opportunity to talk and listen when it happens, don’t wait and think it will happen again later.

When the world tells us that our girls need to be “strong women,” I think we can replace that phrase with the word COURAGEOUS.  Be strong and very courageous.  Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go.”  Joshua 1:7

The author suggests ten ways we can raise our girls to be strong women. I have listed some of these ways and tied them into our C-7 principles.

• Support her changing interests.  Girls tend to change their mind about likes and dislikes very often.  Encourage her to be courageous as she tries something new.

• Let her explore differing roles.  This is the perfect opportunity to provide some culture.  One day she may be interested in cooking, the next she might be interested in fixing something.  She’ll find what interests her and won’t be left with missed opportunities that she wished she experienced.

• Give her something to believe in.  A foundation in Christ will prove to be more lasting than anything else.  She is after all, a changed creation.

• Teaching her responsibility also teaches her to be committed.

• Help her transcend her own nature by discussing acceptable behavior while acknowledging the validity of her emotions.  We as parents should avoid emotional manipulation.  If we teach our daughters how to understand and express their emotions properly, we will be encouraging a charming attitude.  A charming young lady displays compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, and love.

• Giving her boundaries will provide opportunity to display Christ-like character.

• Lead by example.  If our daughters see us showing respect, politeness, and how to resolve conflicts appropriately, they will grow up with a certain class that others will see and want. 

You may want to take one of these for each day this week. Talk about what it means with your daughter. Share ways for her to grow in this area. At night, reflect upon ways that she was able to have courage to explore new interests, be more committed in her responsibilities, or reflect Christ-like character as she followed the boundaries you established for her. When you see your daughter grow in one of these areas, verbalize your praise to help her realize she is growing in God’s ways.

Walk In Your Beauty

Kristi Morales is a Bible teacher at Master's Academy who is using Jody's Christian Charm Course for Girls in her all girls Bible class this year. She expressed her appreciation for the book and agreed to contribute her thoughts on the lives of her girls and her Bible class throughout the school year.
 
I began the girl’s charm class with the discussion of the meaning of beauty. We talked about how a woman’s beauty is a reflection of God’s beauty. God’s beauty comforts, inspires, brings peace, and lets us know that all is well. When a woman walks in the beauty God has given her, she fills a place in our world that only a woman can fill. When you have spent time with a woman who walks in her beauty, you will be at peace and feel positive about yourself. You will leave her presence feeling better than when you first came to her.

Unfortunately, we have an enemy that does not want a woman to walk in her beauty because she reflects the beauty of God. That is why a woman is attacked in her self-esteem. If she does not feel good about herself, she will try to hide herself, get angry and lash out, or become so self-absorbed that she does not see the needs of others. For whatever reason, she stops walking in beauty.

As I spoke to the girls about this topic, one of the girls began to cry. She expressed to us through her tears that some of her friends had started to leave her out and talk about her behind her back. She was experiencing firsthand what happens when girls decide not to walk in their beauty: others get hurt.

During another class together, a different girl began to cry. She opened up about how the class had been a comfort to her because she had been feeling very down on herself due to negative words that had been spoken to her from people close to her. Others have expressed similar experiences, and many suffer in silence.

What I saw were broken young ladies who had forgotten that they are beautiful. What I witnessed was a classroom of young women who chose to walk in their beauty as they gathered around those hurting girls to pray and express to them the value they really hold. That is walking in beauty. 

So, women of God...How do people feel when they leave your presence? Do they leave bruised and cut from your responses and insecurities? Do they not receive what they need because you are too afraid to be seen or too absorbed in your own self? Or do they feel comfort, peace, and inspiration to walk in their own beauty? Do they feel better for having been in your presence?

I encourage you...Walk In Your Beauty Today.
Kristi Morales

Queen Bees and Wannabees - Rules of Girl World, Part 2

No matter what kind of group you are in there are group dynamics and each person takes on a role. Read these descriptions and see where you fit. Where did you fit in high school? Middle school? Now?

(These notes were taken from a seminar by Kelly Smith, M.S.)

Queen Bees - This is your Eddie Haskel type. They look good, sound good and are pleasing to the eye. They are good at manipulating social settings for their advantage. Bossy, leader of the pack, set the rules but DO NOT enforce the rules. They are constantly looking behind their back because they can be taken off their thrown at any time.

Sidekick - This person is the enforcer. They are very close to the queen bee and looks a lot like the queen bee.

Banker - This is the most powerful person of the group. They are the silent quiet type. They hold all the secrets in the group. Everyone goes to the banker when they are upset because remember you can't directly confront in girl world. The banker is rarely the target because they hold all the secrets. Do you know someone who won't ever be fired or laid off from a job because they "know too much?"

Floater - This person has the most confidence and self esteem. They float between groups and fit in with anybody. When someone says, "You have to do ... or I won't be your friend" the floater doesn't care. As ideal as this may seem (and don't we all want our daughters/children to be this person?) a floater has more than likely been through the other roles but eventually decides they've had enough and they are going to do their own thing.

Torn Bystander - This person doesn't agree with what is going on and they want to say something but they can't for fear of becoming the target. They are the conscience of the group. They need the group.

Pleaser/Wannabee/Messenger - This person usually has no opinion of their own. They are the grunt and do all the messy work. This is the person that appears to be squeezing their way into a group. They are the ones that get talked about when they are not around.

Target - This person gets the rumors and isolation. This person probably broke a rule and doesn't even know it. The group will turn on the target.

An interesting thing about the target...when the group shuts them out and isolates them, you would hope for the best and that this target would become the floater. Unlikely...when the group decides she can hang with them again, this person is so glad and will take whatever role she can get. Remember, a girl's number one fear is isolation.

Quote from a teenage girl: "When you're power hungry you'll do anything - even manipulate your best friend."

I was sharing this with my husband, who teaches high school seniors, and he could think of his students that fell into these roles. He even picked out the role he played in school.

You may be asking, "So what do we do about it?" A big part is to just be aware...when we notice this sort of behavior going on bust it up. When you identify the girls and their roles there is nothing for them left to hide. Kelly Smith shared a lot of stories when she worked with groups of girls...all the way down to 3rd grade. It seems that when they were called out for the part they were playing the girls seemed to fix the group themselves.

Queen Bees and Wannabees - Rules of Girl World, Part 1

When I found out I was moving to 4th grade this year I knew I had to attend this seminar through a local ISD. Having two girls of my own and teaching an age group that is trying to understand their social status I thought it would be helpful to make myself aware of this ever so hard to figure out "girl world."


(These notes are from that conference by Kelly Smith, M.S.)

How would you define bullying? We usually think of something physical right? What about these words - persistent, intimidation, manipulative, control, and power?

Did you ever think about how a group of girls does better if it's an even number? Girls always end up pairing off. I got to see this in action in my own house.  My daughter had two friends over (twins) and one sister was by herself while my daughter and the other sister played together.  It wasn't deliberate, it just happened. So next time you plan your daughter's birthday part and one girl can't come, making it an odd number, invite someone else so it's an even number of girls. 

This battle for position and social status begins earlier than you might think...age 4-5. Have you ever heard this, "I won't be your friend." or "You can't come to my birthday party." We often dismiss it as a "kid thing", a stage that all kids go through. That's not true...it's a power struggle and it's just not nice and we need to teach our daughters (and all kids) not to say such unkind things.

Aggression in girls is often between their closest friends. There are three types of agressive behavior in girls:

• relational aggression - between friends
• indirect aggression - spreading rumors
• social aggression - damaging self esteem or social status (Did you ever know a girl that had to change schools? This might have been why.)

To a girl, friendship is as important as air. Therefore, the number one fear in girls is isolation. Have you or someone you know ever thought, "One bad friend is better than no friend." Girls don't directly confront because in girl world conflict = loss. That is why so much of this relational aggression between girls is covert and doesn't get dealt with.

How many times has a friend asked you if they did something to upset you and your response was, "No, everything's fine." See what I mean?

Some people think this is a social skills problem. It's not. It actually takes a lot of skill to cause these problems.

Here are some resources the presenter highly recommended. This seminar wasn't from a Biblical perspective so I threw in Dobson's book.

I'll be doing a follow up post explaining the roles among a group of girls (that was a real eye opener) but they can definitely be applied to any group.

Some resources:

Bringing Up Girls by Dr. James Dobson
Odd Girl Out by Rachel Simmons
Queen Bees and Wannabees by Rosalind Wiseman (great for parents and daughters to read together)

My Big Fat Mouth

(This is re-posted with permission from Kristen at We are THAT Family.)

Many evenings during summer, after brother and sister were tucked into bed, my oldest daughter and I would talk. We’ve worked our way, one page at a time, though the book, Preparing Your Daughter for Every Woman's Battle

I’ve mentioned before that this book is not for the faint-of-heart, as would be expected with a book about sexual purity. (Yes, 10 years old is young, but I wanted to tell her before the world did. Now anything she might hear can be compared to the standard found in the Bible.)

But the chapter on how we talk really got to me:

I smiled as she squeezed toothpaste onto a paper plate at my instruction.

“Now,” I said dramatically and paused. “Put all the toothpaste back into the tube.”

She looked at me, confident, at first. But soon, she was covered in minty goo and knew the task was impossible.

After she washed her hands and snuggled back into my bed, I explained how our words, like the sticky toothpaste, once spoken are impossible to get back. And we just made a big mess trying. We talked about respect and thinking before we speak. We talked about the power of the tongue, how it can bring life or death.

She scooted off to bed and I remembered how often my mouth got me in trouble when I was her age. Talking-back and being sassy were some of my biggest struggles. (I was bestowed the gift of sarcasm at a very young age).

And then I thought about how often (EVERY DAY, it seems) I say something I shouldn’t. I’m not a kid anymore. I nag my hubby about stuff I WANT DONE. I gripe at my children for messes I don’t want to clean up. I complain to my friends about something I don’t agree with. There are a lot of “I’s” in that last sentence. 

I want this: “May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.” Psalm 19:4

It was a devotion for her.

But the words hit me in the big fat mouth.
_________________________
Do you struggle with your tongue? 

Original post September 9, 2010

Charm Course in Action

Kristi Morales is a Bible teacher at Master's Academt who is using Jody's Christian Charm Course for Girls in her all girls Bible class this year. She expressed her appreciation for the book and agreed to contribute her thoughts on the lives of her girls and her Bible class throughout the school year. We hope you are as touched as we were by her genuine heart for being a woman of God!

This year at Master's Academy, a private Christian school in Duncanville,TX, we were inspired by The New Christian Charm Course to do something different in our school. We felt that it was time to speak to our girls about what it is to be a woman and how a woman should carry herself from a Biblical point of view. We decided to combine our Jr. High and High School girls into one Bible class and use the charm course as a spring board for topics that would interest the girls and were relevant to their lives. The results have already been far beyond what I expected.

I never dreamed how much the girls of this generation need to be taught fundamental things about femininity and beauty. Their self-worth has been attacked by other girls, unhealthy relationships, and the media. They are uncertain how to act and dress in social situations and often feel very alone. The practical and useful things taught to girls in past generations, that once gave girls confidence and social grace, have been replaced by other things that do not speak directly to their needs as young women.

It has been a blessing to my class to have an all girl’s class in which they can relax and explore "girl things." I have spent the first few weeks creating an atmosphere of caring and trust. As the girls have felt accepted, they have begun to open up and share what is going on in their lives. I have already seen a change in the way they treat each other and how they relate to others. I see them walking with more confidence and speaking in a more feminine way. I am excited about this year and what God is going to do in their lives through this course.

Kristi Morales
Bible Teacher and Assistant Director of Master's Academy

Starting Your C-7 Group, Part 3

This is part 3 of our "Starting Your C-7 Group" series. Part 1, Part 2

Being Authentic, Flexible and an Anchor

By nature, I am a planner. I prefer things to be organized and on schedule. Therefore, I go into my time with the girls with a plan. But I have learned to hold my plans loosely, and yield them to the Lord. Praying to hear His still, small voice and be open to the leading of the Holy Spirit, I sometimes see “my” lessons change. My prayer is simply to be available for what the girls need. As I flex and flow in the power of the Holy Spirit, we sometimes go to a different topic.

Greet the girls as they come in. Genuinely ask how they are doing. Ask for prayer requests. Listen with your heart and lead where He tells you to go. Our girls need us to be authentic. Most importantly, they can tell if we aren’t ‘walking our talk’. Be the ‘real deal’. They will learn to trust your transparent heart. They need us as an anchor to model Christ in this tumultuous world.

We'd love to hear from you. Please leave us a comment with your ideas, thoughts, or questions.

Starting Your C-7 Group, Part 2

This is part 2 of our "Starting Your C-7 Group" series. You can read part 1 here.

Off and Running!

For some girls, it’s all new and exciting and they can’t wait to learn about everything. They love having their own books, and we start right at the beginning with taking our ‘before pictures’, and immediately jump into learning how to become a Christian. From there we begin practical lessons on diet, exercise, posture, learn how to do facials and we are ‘off and running’!

Some Want to Start with Gossip and Conflict Resolution

Older girls often want to start at the end of the book with issues like gossip and conflict resolution, and we may spend 3 months on those topics alone. From there, we move on to other topics. I have learned it is wiser to let the girls ‘vote’ on which lesson we will cover next and we weave in the C-7 verses as they are applicable. Often with girls/young ladies ages 12-14, it is a good idea to find time to meet with each of them one-on-one to share the gospel and find out where they are in their walk with the Lord.

Others Prefer Non-threatening Activities First

Groups of girls that are more shy often open up more when we start with non-threatening activities such as practicing posture and practical activities such as care of hair and face, which every girl needs. If there are varying income and fashion tastes, I keep the wardrobe and fashion chapters to the very basics. In fact, I suggest making accommodations based upon the climate and culture of where you live. For example, I was raised in a rural, small town community where people dressed in a much more practical way. However, I currently live and often teach in a metro area where fashion is a high priority for most girls. With each group, I am sensitive to the family backgrounds of the girls.

Also, I use the caricatures in the Christian Charm Course to open up discussions and get them laughing. More on Slouched Sally, Poised Petunia, Lazy Lena, Energetic Edna, Sloppy Sadie, Grumpy Gertrude, and Sunshine Savanna at another time!

For the More Spiritually Mature

Some are spiritually mature enough to understand the concept of being a C-7 girl, and so we launch right into the seven verses. They are ready for the ‘meat’ of the scriptures and we can skip past some of the lighter material. Have your Bible ready! Some of these girls are ready to ‘go deep’.

We'd love to hear from you. Please leave us a comment with your ideas, thoughts, or questions.

Starting Your C-7 Group, Part 1

This is the first in a series of posts that we hope will be helpful as you begin your own group. Please feel free to leave any questions in the comments below. We would love to help and encourage as you begin this journey with your own daughter or group of girls.

Starting Your C-7 Group

Just as each girl is “fearfully and wonderfully made,” her particular need for the Christian Charm Course is unique. The course was therefore created to grow with each girl as she matures in her relationship with Christ and begins to understand the difference between inner and outer beauty.

At the end of each chapter, she is encouraged to “Write from Her Heart” and reflect upon what she is learning. It truly is an individual’s journey done in community in either a one-on-one setting or in a group.

Pray, Ponder, and Plan

Whenever I prepare to lead a new group of girls, I pray for the Lord to reveal to me what their real needs are and how to meet them. As I ponder upon the scriptures, the lessons in the course, and what is happening in the media/world of girls today, I begin to make my plans. These are based on a balance of what is in the leader’s guide, the Word, and what I sense the girls need spiritually, emotionally, and practically.

We'd love to hear from you. Please leave us a comment with your ideas, thoughts, or questions.

Some Personal Thoughts

As parents of two girls, my husband and I want to guard their purity, self image, and identity.
We have often had thoughts such as, “If we let them wear things that show a tummy, skirts that are too short, or mini-teenager style clothes now, what will they want to wear when they are older?” In my mind, an 8 year old should not look like a little mini teenager.

When Jody asked me to team up with her to do this blog, I knew it would be a valuable tool to help us as we guide our daughters into womanhood. Even though our girls are young, the Christian Charm Course aligns with our philosophy of how we want to raise our girls.
Of course, at their age, not all of the big issues have come up yet. But we don’t want to be caught unprepared in the future, so we have set guidelines on the clothes they wear and we’ve discussed our reasons, especially with our oldest.

Our girls possess a lot of energy and are very busy. A gentle and quiet spirit is something that is a daily challenge for us, but it’s important for them to know there is a time to be silly, twirl, and have fun just as there is also a time to display self-control.

Both of our girls have extremely curly hair. This is very opposite of my own hair, so I’ve had to learn and ask a lot of questions in order to take proper care of their hair. I was determined to learn how to comb and condition their hair properly so they would have healthy curls. I remember reading somewhere that it is important for curly girls to embrace their curls. One way I do this is by never saying anything negative about their hair. When people comment about how beautiful their hair is and what great curls they have, it would be easy to reply in an exasperated voice, “Yes, but you don’t know how hard it is to fix it…” I want my girls to embrace their curls as a gift from God. I know we will go through challenging times, and already have at times when they would prefer straight hair. But ultimately, in the end, we want them to be comfortable in how God created them and rejoice in the beauty that God gave them.

Last Spring I was combing my oldest daughter’s hair. She was pretty proud of the ringlets that were forming. She made the comment, “If (enter a boy’s name here) could see my hair I think he would like me just like (enter a girl friend’s name here).” I am so thankful that I was able to slow down and take the opportunity to discuss this with her. We had the “friends like you the way you are” conversation.

Not everything is about their outward appearance, though. Sometimes we can get so caught up in the compliments about their outward beauty. As parents, moms as well as dads, we can help them focus on the importance of inner beauty. Take the time to compliment your daughter on how well she is sharing, or how responsible her actions were.

Karen
Sweet Brown Sugars

Modesty and More

In the Christian Charm Course we have a saying that goes, “You can look the part, but do you have the heart?”

One of the purposes of this blog is to share other resources and people who are of ‘like-mind’, such as Nancy Leigh DeMoss, who said, “Modesty is more than the length of your skirt or the cut of your blouse. Ultimately, it's an issue of the heart. Is our wardrobe determined by the culture or by a heart for God?”

Our choice of clothing can communicate so many things. Take a look at the links below to see what your clothing says to others. It may surprise you.

Link to modesty quiz via Nancy Leigh DeMoss

http://www.reviveourhearts.com/pdf/uploads/1-TheStyleQuiz.pdf

Answers in Genesis Article

Teaching Modesty in an Immodest World

http://www.answersingenesis.org/articles/am/v4/n4/modesty

Our Purpose

What is the Purpose of the Christian Charm Course Blog?

The Christian Charm Course is a book about the exciting journey that every girl goes through! It is a kind of guide that will show you how to have a transforming relationship with Jesus Christ that changes you on the inside. At the same time, the Christian Charm Course teaches you about the ‘tricks of the trade’ for outer beauty: such as fashion, make-up, facials, hair care, and nails. The Christian Charm Course will also provide practical tips on cell phone use, texting, how to resolve conflicts, dealing with gossip, and social etiquette – topics central to any girl’s life!

On this blog we will share:

• Expanded resources from the Christian Charm Course
• Blogs from people using the Christian Charm Course
• Additional links and information from people of ‘like-mind’

We welcome you to join us on the journey! Feel free to communicate and connect with us as you go through the Christian Charm Course, or simply as you make your way through your own life. We welcome your in-put and questions. We are here for you!

What Is a C-7 Girl?

It is our heart’s desire to cultivate the following characteristics in young ladies: Christ-like character, change, class, cultured, courage, committed, and yes, charming in the Lord.

Girls, we can learn how to make changes on the outside with little ‘tricks of the trade’ but only Jesus can change us on the inside. Only HE can transform us to be all we can be. How? When we find our identity in Christ and become conformed to His likeness.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!”
(2 Corinthians 5:17)

Christ-like Character – “Finally, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things” (Philippians 4:8).

Charming – “Therefore, as God’s chosen people (women), holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience…and over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity” (Colossians 3:12,14).

Committed – “…It is the Lord Christ you are serving” (Colossians 3:24).

Class – “May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer” (Psalm 19:14)

Changed – “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will” (Romans 12:2).

Cultured – “(She) who loves a pure heart and whose speech is gracious will have the king for (her) friend” (Proverbs 22:11).

Courageous – “Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go” (Joshua 1:7).

As you memorize these verses, they become a part of your heart. The Bible reminds us in Psalm 119:11 “I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.”

So what’s a C-7 Girl? One who becomes connected to Christ as she finds her identity in Him, becomes conformed to His character, and hides His Word in her heart.

Get to Know Jody Better: Professionally and Personally

Jody is known as the educator with heart. She is described by others as visionary and vivacious, practical and passionate, energetic and encouraging. Jody’s engaging ways will envelop you as she applies the wealth of her wisdom and years of experience to join you on your journey. Her heart’s desire is to equip teachers, empower parents, enrich ministries, energize grandparents, and encourage teens and children.

As an educator, Jody has founded and helped start a number of private schools over the past 40 years. She founded Grace Academy in Dallas in 1974 and helped to start other schools in the metroplex, including Prestonwood Christian Academy. She currently serves as the founder of Legacy Christian Academy, a K-12 school in Frisco, Texas. Additionally, Jody served as a minister to children at Grace Bible Church and taught graduate level courses at Dallas Baptist University.

As an author, Jody has written and/or co-authored 17 books, including: Bonding with Your Teens through Boundaries, Christian Charm Course, Teaching with Heart, Discipline by Design, The Discipline Guide, Cherishing and Challenging Your Children, You and Your ADD Child, Marching to the Beat of a Different Drum, Becoming a Treasured Teacher, and Touching Hearts and Changing Lives.

Jody worked with June Hunt at Hope for the Heart to establish the Hope Biblical Training Program, where she served as the director. Jody also hosted the education channel for a webtv program for two years.

Jody currently works as a school consultant, speaker, author, and radio guest.

As a wife, Jody is happily married to Paul who is in his 40^th year of playing in the Dallas Symphony Orchestra. As a mother, Jody is very proud of her three grown children and has co-authored books with two of her children. As a grandmother, she is overjoyed with the blessing of being involved in their lives.

Did You Know? Fun Facts You Probably Didn’t Know About Me…

I was born and raised in MinneSNOWta and am one of seven children in my family!

For part of the summers, I lived in a bus with my parents and all seven siblings!

When we weren’t living in a bus, we had a farm for a while and I even got to drive a tractor when I was just a young girl!

I loved animals so much as a child that I had them sleep with me in my bed! One of my cats had kittens in my bed on Easter morning! (But now I’m allergic to them)

As the older sister, I always made my brothers play ‘house’ and ‘school’ with me for as long as I could trick them into staying

I love books, and when I was younger I read every book in my school library and then every age-appropriate book in the public library in my small home town…and I STILL love reading: for pleasure, research, curiosity – my family and friends (especially the other book worms) secretly resent how fast I can speed read!

I was never a tomboy exactly, but I did love to build forts out in the woods! Maybe my brothers had an influence on me, too!

I could have been born a fish and been happy! Growing up, I swam every chance I had in every lake, pond, or pool I could find!

Education is my true passion, and so at age 23 I decided to start my first school – and opened it at age 24!

I married my husband Paul at age 30 and had the funniest wedding day ever! (You can read all about it in my book Once Upon a Time)

In between starting schools, I served as a minister to children and loved every moment of it!

I love my husband passionately, and I think our marriage gets better every year! And I am SO proud of his 40 years with the Dallas Symphony Orchestra!

Like my husband, I played French horn when I was younger…but no one’s ever paid me to play it…in fact, they might’ve paid me to stop…I also played sax and piano!

Being from a big family and loving children like I do, I always wanted to have 12 children, some of my own and some adopted, but I was told I probably could not have any children, which devastated me – so you can just imagine my pure joy when God gave me two biological children and one step-son! Being a mother has more than fulfilled my deepest dreams and desires!

I think being a grandma is the coolest thing ever!

My family teases me because I don’t go anywhere without my camera! The way I see it, if I don’t have a picture of it, it didn’t happen!

Besides my camera, technology is not my friend. My two year old grandson once had to help me with my phone! How’s that for humility!

Close, intimate friendships are a treasure to me…but I find Facebook overwhelming!!!

I enjoy doing radio programs (more than tv )

I enjoy being alone! I especially love to garden and have lots of gardens of all kinds.

My morning quiet time with the Lord is the anchor for my day. My ‘quiet chair’ faces the rose gardens.

Holidays are the best and I love everything about them: decorating, having family over, cooking, and baking!

I color coordinate everything, and lists that have alliteration are my favorite kind of poetry

I had fun making this list and generally enjoy just being silly sometimes!