Relationships, Part 4

Unlike Karen and Kristi, my daughter, Angela, is all grown up. She is 26 now -- wow! -- and the mother of two boys, Keagan and Hudson, and is an expectant mother of a baby girl, due to be born this October! I couldn't be more proud of my grown up girl!

But I can still remember when she was just a young thing, and all she wanted to do was play with her dolls. She loved pretending to be the mother and playing house. She would even go on special father-daughter "dates" with my husband, and in her innocent seven-year-old way, she would get all dressed up, sit up as high as she could in her chair, and believed that people who saw her would think she was my husband's wife and not his daughter!

Angela was always one -- or two! -- steps ahead of whatever age she was at the time. When she was a toddler, she wanted to be in school. When she was in school, she wanted to be a teenager. When she was a teenager, she wanted to drive. And once she started driving, she wanted full independence.

Now she has it, and is so fulfilled in her life as a mother and wife. But she also has the responsibility of being depended on, day and night. Angela has learned that being a mother is something profoundly more life-giving and life-needing than playing with dolls ever was --just as being married takes infinitely more commitment than dating does.

I have to say, though, she does it all quite marvelously. It's funny how all those years of playing dolls and house prepared her for being a mother. Play really is the work of the child.

Throughout it all, we have remained close. Have we always gotten along? I wish I could say yes, but the truth is Angela is an independent person who does not like to be pushed or manipulated into decisions she feels are not her own. That means I have had to learn to let go sometimes, give it to God, and simply be there for her when she needs me.

And you know what? It's the being there for her that has given me the most joy. Does it always come at convenient times? Of course not. Being there for someone always manages to happen when we are swamped by life. But as my sweet daughter has found out for herself, a parent is always there for their child. I couldn't imagine it any other way, either.

A parent always wants to take credit for what their child becomes, but if we are honest, we know we are only a part of it. God entrusted my husband and I with a beautiful girl 26 years ago, and the best thing I ever did for her was love her and be there for her. God took care of the rest.

We started this series on relationships because we believe that the mother-daughter relationship is so central for all women. It begins when they are young like Karen's daughters and continues all the way to adulthood, past even where Angela is now. She hasn't stopped needing my advice, support, and love.

Next we will turn to the relationship a girl has with her father, a relationship as important as any other. But before we go there, remember today to tell your mother -- or daughter -- that you love and appreciate them for who they are and what a blessing from God they are in your life.

Blessings to you all,

Jody

Relationships, Part 3

I just returned from a short trip to the mountains for my daughter's graduation celebration. As the women of the family sat around in the evening, we began to talk about how we grew up. We began to compare at what age and how we dealt with the changes of womanhood.

I realized that although my daughter is seventeen and my mother is seventy, there is a connection that all women have that allows them relate to each other. Grandmothers and moms were once teenagers, and no matter how much technology and society have changed, being part of the sisterhood of women remains the same. We can learn a lot from the women around us; especially from our moms.

When I was fifteen my mother made me plan, shop, and cook two meals a week for our family. I also had to clean the house throughout the week along with my sister. I remember mopping the floor and grumbling to my sister that our mom only had children to have servants to do her work!

When I grew up and got married, several of my friends got married around the same time. My friends struggled with shopping and planning meals and how to run a household, while I found it very easy and natural to take care of my new home. It wasn't because I was so smart; it was because my mother had prepared me to be able to take care of myself and my new family even when I did not understand or appreciate it.

The next time you have to do laundry, take out the trash, or wash the dishes, instead of griping and whining, thank your mom for preparing you for the future. You will probably surprise her and definitely bless her.

Continue walking in your beauty this week, ladies.

Kristi

Relationships, Part 2

I have been reading Six Ways to Keep the “Little” in Your Girl by Dannah Gresh over the last few days. The first thing Dannah stresses is “connectedness” – intentional togetherness. This connectedness builds and develops a value system in our children.

I can get so caught up in what I need to do that I often forget to take the time to intentionally connect with my girls. Dannah offers a little quiz to test your connection i.q. I was relieved that I scored pretty well, but I was also struck by some areas that need big improvements.

I am, by nature, not a talkative person. As much as I enjoy being around other people, there are times when I just want to be by myself. I find that I like things done a certain way and it’s hard for me to let go and allow little hands to participate (i.e. cooking, crafting).

Guess what my seven year old enjoys? Talking! She is at the age of questioning too and that results in more talking. My girls aren’t the kind that sit sweetly while I talk to a friend or mark a task of my to-do list. There are many moments of frustration, moments that I don’t always handle so well. I find myself thinking, “If I can just get this one thing done, then I can sit and spend time with them.” But there is always something that gets added to the ever growing to-do list.

I want my girls to feel like they can come to me with questions, concerns, and feelings so that we can have open dialogue. I don’t want them to wonder, “How will mom react? Is she too busy?” Each day I pray that God will do a mighty work, and despite my shortcomings, he would bless us with an open and comfortable mother-daughter relationship. I can see that this sort of relationship will allow me to teach my girls values so that they can grow into healthy young women.

How can you connect with your daughter? If your a daughter, how can you connect with your mother?

Karen

Relationships, Part 1

As women, we tend to be social creatures. Even those of us who are shy and keep to ourselves are still at least observing what is going on with everyone around us.

What topic is almost always at the forefront of our minds? Relationships. They surround us and can even consume us at all times all day every day...and we love it!

The issue is this: How well do we handle these relationships? Or think of it this way, if your friends and family were polled and asked how maturely you handled your relationships with them, what would they say about you?

Would they say you are trustworthy or a gossiper? Loyal or fickle? Selfish or giving?

Over the summer we will be devoting a lot of time time to discussing this central aspect of our lives as women. We love relationships, and so we want to be handling them with class, charm, and Christlike character.

Our first topic will be the relationship between a mother and a daughter, and the advice is not only for the girls. It's for the moms, too. That relationship is so key for all women, whether they are 15 or 50.

I will share more about my relationship with my daughter, Angela, in the coming weeks. We will also be hearing from Kristi and Karen about the relationships they have with their daughters.

Of course, we will be talking about our relationship with God, as well. No relationship is more important than that one. However, that relationship should permeate all your other
relationships. So rather than treat our relationship with God as separate, we will be talking about it always and pointing out how it directly affects our many other relationships.

So look for a new post each week, and leave us feedback either on the blog here or on the Facebook page.

Blessings,
Jody